How things go

Our daughter (14): ‘Papa!!! A spider!!!! Get it out of here!!!!’
My husband: ‘Relax, Sweetie, 1 little spider sitting peacefully in the corner..’
Our daughter: ‘Yes, 1…. FOR THE MOMENT! Then it gets married, will have babies and live here happily, all of them, more and more!! Papa, I am a teenager, I exactly know how these things go, all right?’

Easy

In a bike shop in Belgium.
My husband to the shop assistant: ‘I would like a bike for myself – what do you recommend?’
Shop assistant: ‘Now, that I look at you, the model called ‘Heavy Duty’ for sure.’
My husband: ‘Heavy Duty – very authentic. Describes my whole existence. ..Let’s find a bike to my wife, too. Do you have also models like ‘Easy Life’?’

Not the same

My daughter (14): ‘My favourite movie genre is horror!’
Me: ‘But why? Who on earth likes to be terrified?’
She: ‘Me, for example.’
Me: ‘Well, how come then that yesterday when we found that ugly big spider in the living room, you claimed we should move to another house immediately? You did not seem to be enjoying horror.’
She: ‘It’s simple. The genre of the Ugly Big Spider is not horror. It’s Nat Geo.’

Knowledge sharing

Me to our 10-yr-old son: ‘Walter, could you please put your plate in the dishwasher after dinner? Don’t just place it on the counter, if I may ask.’
He: ‘How could you see it??? You are not even looking this direction!!’
Me: ‘You know, mothers have eyes on the sides as well..’
My husband: ‘Just like hammerhead sharks.’
Me (with moderate warmth in my voice): ‘Would you like to add something?’
My husband: ‘I just thought.. in order to make the link with natural sciences… or maybe not..’

Viva la revolution

My husband to our 10-yr-old son:

‘Walter, would you like to come and see how I make pancake? In case in the future you would also end up with a lazy daughter & wife in your family who you would need to cook for.. But don’t forget son, in this family we are still working hard on getting equal rights for boys..’

Walter: ‘Uh you are making pancakes?? Can I also get some? Don’t have time now, still playing on my mobile…’

My husband: ‘…Where was I? Ah yes, at the equal-right-for-papas movement..’

Natural

Our daughter (14): ‘Papa, we must go shopping NOW! I need nude make-up.’
My husband: ‘Nude make-up. What.is.that..’
She: ‘Make-up which makes my skin light brown.. transparent, slightly shiny eyelids.. light-pink lips..’
My husband: ‘My dearest daughter, you were born like this. Anything else?’

Informative

This morning:

Me: ‘What do you have in your cup, tea?’

My husband (with patience): ‘Yes, it is tea. I am well aware that it might be mistaken for a urine sample, too, still it is camomile tea. ….True, it WILL become a urine sample pretty soon, and…’

Me: ‘Thank you. Honestly, all I wanted to ask you if you want a re-fill from the freshly made tea …but to receive a complete urological dissertation instead is way better than that, isn’t it..’

Ok, let that 2021 start, we are ready.

It works

Yesterday my daughter (14) prepared a stress ball out of a balloon – and since she did not find flour, she replaced it with cocoa powder.
As she informed us, the stress ball is perfect in relieving stress – after which her papa asked ‘ok, but what stress you have around you?’.
5 minutes ago her papa prepared pancake – and immediately recognised in upset, that he has nothing to fill them with – as there is no more cocoa powder left. 
So he took the stress ball and opened it in order to relive the stress – caused in him by the lack of cocoa powder..
Our daughter concluding it all: 
“I’ve told you it works”.

For our mental hygiene

– sorry for the English speakers, one post exceptionally in Hungarian.. –

A minap becsönget hozzánk a szomszédasszony, kezében egy sor égőt lóbálva, aminek is köszönhetően az alábbi lélekemelő beszélgetésnek vagyok fültanúja:

Szomszédasszony: “…és tehát arra gondoltam, hogy az ünnepekre tekintettel mi is fénybe boríthatnánk itt az utcát úgy, hogy önök és a szembeszomszéd is keresztülvezeti ezt az égősort a levegőben kb emelet magasságban, nézze csak, pont mint mi..”

Házastársam (marcona kiállás, vallási ünnepek iránt mérsékelten fogékony lelkület):

“Remek ötletnek hangzik – egészen a következő villanyszámláig.”

Szomszédasszony: “Természetesen csak sötétedéskor kapcsoljuk fel! Ezekben a lelkileg nehéz időkben jót tenne mindannyiunk mentálhigiéniájának..”

Házastársam: “…valamint a globális felmelegedésnek..”

Szomszédasszony: “Nade milyen szép is lesz, amikor az embereket munkából hazajöve fényár fogadja..”

Házastársam: “Nekem úgy rémlik, Covid van, kb mindenki itthonról dolgozik.”

Szomszédasszony: “De mégiscsak karácsony meg az ünnepi hangulat..”

Házastársam: “Nem vagyok róla meggyőződve, hogy az ünnepi hangulat jegyében feltétlenül újabb szöget kellene vernünk bolygónk koporsójába.., de ha a szembeszomszéd benne van, én semmi jónak nem leszek elrontója.”

Szomszédasszony: “Tudtam én, hogy ilyen kedves ember maga, megyek is és intézkedem a szomszédnál!”

Így esett, hogy egy nap a szomszédig átívelő égősor került ablakunkba.

A romantika kedvelőinek:

A helyzetet végül a kukásautó oldotta meg, mely csütörtöki szokásos körén nemes egyszerűséggel magával vitte a teljes felszerelést fényárral, mentálhigiéniával..

Azóta házastársam ünnepi hangulata töretlen.

Piercing

My daughter (14) is currently getting dressed in big rush to leave home in order to meet her best friend. 
The reason for the delay is that in the last 1 hour she and the same friend were on social media carefully discussing all details, among them that they should meet absolutely on time and so under no circumstances should they be late.
They finished the call 5 mins before the meeting itself.
Technology is a blessing.

And then Reality kicks in..

My children, approaching me with angel smiles on their face: 
My daughter (14): ‘Mama, we saw today a cute little kitten on the street apparently totally alone and lonely.. Can we bring her home, mommy? We could keep her in the garden, we would take care of her… I’ve take a photo of her, look how cute she is, kitty kitty…’
Me: ‘Darling, we don’t have a garden.’
Her brother (10) (with quiet resignation): ‘I told you mama would notice..’

In a nutshell

My son (10) received homework for the holidays from school: he needs to investigate what his parents do for a living.

He: ‘Mama, what are you doing e.g. right now?’
Me: ‘At this moment I am drafting the meeting minutes of a committee.’
He: ‘What is a ‘committee’?’
Me: ‘When colleagues regularly meet to discuss issues they find important.’
He: ‘Let’s imagine that me and my best friend are superheroes who discuss every week who to rescue next time – are we a committee then?’
Me: ‘Absolutely.’
He: ‘Are you & your colleagues also in the superhero business?’
Me: ‘Kind of.’

Brave

Our son, Walter (10) about his 14-ye-old sister:
‘Haha, mama, Noëmi is afraid of spiders, hahahahaaaa, but why, how funny, spiders cannot hurt her! She is also afraid of all bugs and mosquitoes, but they are so small, hahahaaaaa..!’
Me: ‘Walter, seems not everybody is so brave as you..’
He (proudly): ‘Yes, I AM brave. Because it is stupid to be afraid of things that cannot hurt us. So the only things I am afraid of are vampires and walking skeletons..’

Suspicious

My husband after having watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time with the children as ‘Xmas movie’ at home, turning to me, with an unsatisfied look:
‘Did you like this movie??? I must say I find it so irrealistic when characters start to sing in a movie..’
Me (in a patient tone): ‘And in the present case which character could not truly convince you that it was really singing – the Prince who by magic had turned into a beast, or the candleholder speaking in a French accent..?’

Compliment Of The Day

My daughter (14 ys) preparing for her exam tomorrow:

‘Mama, I still need to study hard for tomorrow. Could you come here to the sofa and be with me? It’s so motivating.’

Me (deeply touched): ‘Really? Sure I come! Shall I also study with you?’

She: ‘No, it’s enough if you are just close. Whenever I look at you I get scared that I am still not ready..’

For clarity

My daughter (14) is undergoing a dental surgery.

Her little brother, Walter (10) is asking questions: ‘And what will happen to you?’

She: ‘I am going in – then tomorrow coming out, but with a swollen face.’

He: ‘What does “swollen” mean’? I don’t know this word..’

She: ‘I will look like a Snapchat filter’.

He: ‘Aaaaa, now I understand.’

Tolerance

Me to my daughter: ‘Noëmi, is your maths homework ready?’

Noëmi (14): ‘Not yet.’

Me: ‘Do it pls.’

Noëmi: ‘A little more tolerance, mama. Parents need to accept their children the way they are. Psychology, you know.’

Me: ‘This theory was apparently invented by someone the child of whom had already done his homework. Do your maths homework and I will immediately accept you the way you are. Success!’

He isn’t

Our son (10) has homework from school: he has to list his own major characteristic features.

He is asking us, his parents, for inspiration.

After this, we need to comfort him for 2 hours as we had said he is overly sensitive, although it’s totally not true, he isn’t!!!

Horror

My daughter (14): ‘My favourite movie genre is horror!’

Me: ‘But why? Who on earth likes to be terrified?’

She: ‘Me, for example.’

Me: ‘Well, how come then that yesterday when we found that ugly big spider in the living room, you claimed we should move to another house immediately? You did not seem to be enjoying horror.’

She: ‘It’s simple. The genre of the Ugly Big Spider is not horror. It’s Nat Geo.’

Dirty pig

This is going to be a highly upset post about the card game ‘Dirty Pig’, which my son, Walter (10 ys), saw in his best friend’s home, and so we also needed to buy for home.

In a nutshell, you win the game if you can the sooner achieve the following:- make all 4 of your pigs dirty- build them a house each- supply the houses with doors that can be closed – in order to prevent the neighbour farmer (game opponent, for the ease let’s call her ‘mama’) enter the house with a big hose making your pigs clean.

And here is The Thing.


I am sitting with my sparkling clean piglets team nicely satisfied, all have houses with all fullextra appliances, still my son wins unexpectedly, what could go wrong??

Yepp.


‘Sparking clean’.I have cleaned my son’s piglets as much as I could, but in the meanwhile forgot to make my own friends muddy.


And that’s totally unfair!
The fact that I, as parent, being duly conditioned for many years of parenthood for making things ‘corrected’, ‘back in order’, ‘CLEAN’ suddenly need to make things DIRTY, which is UNclean, UNorderly, UNgood. … And that just proves to be fully incomprehensible for my mother mind.


Of course it’s easy for my son to win games aiming at making things dirty – this is his main profile, for God’s sake! Years of experience, in possession of all the existing know-how!


I am planning to make a petition towards the EU as never ever have I encountered such severe discrimination in the game industry.
Equal rights for parents!

From time to time

My daughter (14) (in philosophical tone):
‘People change so much over time.. I remember 1-2 years ago, when I was still a child, I used to talk back to you..’

Me: ‘Only for my good understanding: so if talking back was what you did in the past, what do you call the thing you do nowadays since you are a teenager..?’

She: ‘I do not talk back any more.
From time to time I might express a different view, though..’

Wasnme

Me to my son: ‘Walter, would you like some more tea?

……Walter, it’s such a pity you don’t pay attention to what I am saying, you are just always playing with that monster game..”

Walter (10) (playing with the monster game):

‘No, it’s not at all true, it wasn’t me who went into the living room with dirty shoes!!!!’

Me: ‘…????…..’

Thanks

My husband (upset to our son for something):

‘Walter, I cannot believe it, I have told you 1000 times not to do that!! You’re just like mom!!’

Me: ‘??Pardon, what have I done this time?’

My husband (excusing himself in a peacemaker tone):

‘Oh, sorry, you haven’t done anything wrong, of course.

I just wanted to tell him something insulting.’

Rules

We teach our children not to run immediately opening the door whenever somebody rings the bell, but always ask first who is standing at the door.

At one occasion:

Our son (10): ‘Who is it?’

My husband: ‘Papa.’

Son: ‘Papa who?’

Rules are rules.