Side effects

Our 10-yr-old son’s friend has been with us since yesterday. After today’s full play date, today at least they listened to me and started to study.

I am just going upstairs with some drinks to their floor when I hear the conversation behind the door:

They: ‘Ok, so we have a list of words, let’s see: ‘orgasm’ – what can it be??’

At this point I am very silently turning around tiptoeing downstairs, when the door opens:

My son: ‘Mama, where are you going? Aren’t those drinks for us? Listen, we need your help. What is ‘orgasm’?’

Me: ‘First of all let’s see what the task exactly is, before we would jump on the explanation..’

They: ‘We need to write each word to 1 of the coloumns ‘men’, ‘women’, ‘both’. Is it for both, with each other?’

Me: ‘Yes. I mean no! It can be for 2 men or 2 women as well… or 1… or… But hey, let’s not get stuck at the 1st word, let’s move on to the next one, I say..’

They: ‘Yes, ok, good idea! The 2nd one is ‘e-ja-cu-lation’..’

Giving to 10-yr-old children the sexual education school material – then the next day locking down schools closing children up with their home-office parents for weeks … very funny, dear teachers… very funny..

Even

My daughter (above her homework): Mama, this pen is a tragedy. In order to write nicely with it, I have to write in slow motion.

Me: ..In what?

Noëmi: In slow motion of course. Hope you know the expression.

All the children at school know what it means.

Literally everybody.

I mean even the teachers.

Compliment

The teachers of our children really do their best to wrap even worse news into a more positive context in each school report.
Excerpt from my daughter’s last school report in primarily school:
‘Noëmi, Theatre and Drama lesson is really your strength!
..All you need to do is pay attention when it finishes and when the maths lesson starts..’

Blah blah blah

Our son (10) brings home his school report.

He: ‘To sum it up, I have received top scores from basically all subjects, except for ‘free discussion’, from which I got a 3 in a scale of 5.’

Me: ‘How come?’

He: ‘Some of my classmates receive better scores, but they talk about all kinds of pointless blabla, while I only speak when I have something to say.’

Me: ‘But when is this class? Morning or during the day? And what are the topics? And you have to prepare? And..’

He: ‘I have said everything about this subject.’

Me: ‘Ok, I think I get it.’

Almost vacation

Our son (10) comes home today, giving me an envelope from school. I ask him to open it, he starts to read it out:

‘Oh, it’s about vacation!!’

(Note: vacation in Dutch – ‘vakantie’)

He (surprised): ‘..Only they spelt it with double ‘c’ instead of a ‘k’..’

Me: ‘Hmm, could you show me for a second? …. Ah, I see… it is not a spelling mistake: the 1st ‘c’ in this word you pronounce as a ‘k’ in most languages..’

He: ‘Oh nooooooooooo!!!!’

Just another key argument

Our daughter (13) started secondary school in September, and now is preparing for the approaching exam period.
She is checking her digital agenda for the exam schedule, and sees the following notes:
– “Catholic studies: EXAM!!”
– “Islam studies: EXAM!!”
She (who attends ‘ethics’ at school – as an alternative for children of non-religious families): 
‘Mama, you and papa were totally right. Just found another key argument in favour of atheism.’

A day in the life of a unicorn

Our daughter, Noëmi (13), this morning travels to Amsterdam, NL, with her music school class to watch a famous musical. The children need to be delivered to the school bus by 10 o’clock (the meeting place is located 15 min from our home by bike).

Now you need to know that Noëmi is not that nervous type.

Readiness status:

9.22 – She has already put on one of her socks

9.28 – And now the other one

9.34 – ..Pardon, it was too early to be so self-confident. True, she has started to put on her other sock – which process was then dramatically interrupted by other Activities of Higher Priority, such as an incoming chat message, the patterns on her socks, remembering a funny story having happened 3.5 years ago, a piece of interesting-shape dust on the ceiling..

9.40 – She finally starts to have breakfast

9.44 – ..No, correction: it’s more accurate to say that ‘she sat down next to her plate’.

I, like some high-ranking military training instructor, give her reminders ranging tone from the ‘soft & friendly’ to the ‘loud & powerful’ in all imaginable styles and genres.

My daughter in the meanwhile is kindly asking about my workplace, how things go there, and is giving me some coaching wherever she feels it imperative. She seems to be ready not only to consume her 2-course breakfast within the remaining 35 seconds, but also to address all issues of her mother’s employer.

9.49 – She starts to brush teeth.

We, parents, encourage her tooth-by-tooth.

9.52 – She gets enthusiastic:

‘Mama, papa, this school trip will be such an exciting experience!!’

My husband (in a somber tone):

’My Dearest Daughter, apart from you for all other family members already your leaving home is rather an exciting experience.’

Ps 1: The label on her T-shirt is a summary of her CV.

Ps 2: From among experiencing the above and reporting about it in my blog, it was the latter one being the more fun.