The Fastest Way to Start the Day (do-not-try-this-at-home version)

Our son, Walter (10), sleeps in the bedroom next to ours – we also have a common door.
This morning he asks me to dress him up (this negotiation process repeats itself every morning, by the way).
I inform him that this is unfortunately impossible – due to the fact that these moments I myself am hoping to get someone who dresses ME up.
Hearing this, he flies Hippo from his bed to ours, so Hippo will help me get dressed and so I can help Walter..
On the other hand, he himself admits he cannot rely with all this MasterPlan only on a single toy.. so he also flies Chicken, who according to the script will support Hippo in his devoted efforts to dress me up..
My husband wishes success to the mission, and – being pretty good in reading situations quickly – serves breakfast both to me and our son in bed today.

Children and lockdown

This morning:

Me: ‘I see, Sweety, that you’re up to something – what are the plans for today?’

Walter (10): ‘I know you both need to work, so I will play carnival, you see I put pyjama on back to front, and will build a nest below your table. Will not disturb: I’ve brought some books and toys, but I need to return for a 2nd transport.’

Child disease

Yesterday my husband receives a call: the deputy principal of the school informs him that our daughter (14) regularly ignores her homework of one of the school subjects in Google classroom!
My husband suggests the Deputy Principal should clarify it directly with our daughter, so he gives the phone to her.
Deputy Principal: ‘Good morning Noëmi, I am the Deputy Principal from the school and I received the information from your Latin teacher that you totally ignore your homework given on Google classroom on this subject!’
Our daughter: ‘Yes, and I have a good reason to do so.’
Deputy Principal: ‘Ohhyeeees? And what is it if I may ask?’
Our daughter: ‘I do not learn Latin. I belong to the “natural sciences” part of the class. So it must be an administration mistake – could you please indicate it to the Latin teacher, asking her to remove my name from her list?’
Deputy Principal: ‘Oh….. I see…. of course I will align it  with her… sorry…. And, anyway, how are you these days?’
Our daughter: ‘Very fine. All homework I receive from all teachers I always get ready with already on the first day. The rest of the week I keep myself busy with studying other things or relaxing. And how are you yourself?’

Side effects

Our 10-yr-old son’s friend has been with us since yesterday. After today’s full play date, today at least they listened to me and started to study.

I am just going upstairs with some drinks to their floor when I hear the conversation behind the door:

They: ‘Ok, so we have a list of words, let’s see: ‘orgasm’ – what can it be??’

At this point I am very silently turning around tiptoeing downstairs, when the door opens:

My son: ‘Mama, where are you going? Aren’t those drinks for us? Listen, we need your help. What is ‘orgasm’?’

Me: ‘First of all let’s see what the task exactly is, before we would jump on the explanation..’

They: ‘We need to write each word to 1 of the coloumns ‘men’, ‘women’, ‘both’. Is it for both, with each other?’

Me: ‘Yes. I mean no! It can be for 2 men or 2 women as well… or 1… or… But hey, let’s not get stuck at the 1st word, let’s move on to the next one, I say..’

They: ‘Yes, ok, good idea! The 2nd one is ‘e-ja-cu-lation’..’

Giving to 10-yr-old children the sexual education school material – then the next day locking down schools closing children up with their home-office parents for weeks … very funny, dear teachers… very funny..

Home schooling

Due to Corona virus, the next 3 weeks schools are closed in Belgium, and children are studying from home. They might here and there need some help from the parents – which, in a highly educated family like ours can of course not be a problem.
My son (10) is currently preparing his biology homework: they learn about the female genitals.
He: ‘Mama, I need to fill in this picture with the names of the female genitals, but it’s so difficult..’
Me: ‘No panic, Walter, mama keeps everything under control. I will just look up a similar drawing on the internet in Dutch, and so you can just learn from that one… here we go!’ 
He: ‘Mama… this woman has a penis.’
Me: ‘Ooops, one seconds, I’m looking for another one..’
Home schooling – with slight bumps on the road – so what..