‘Haha, mama, Noëmi is afraid of spiders, hahahahaaaa, but why, how funny, spiders cannot hurt her! She is also afraid of all bugs and mosquitoes, but they are so small, hahahaaaaa..!’
Me: ‘Walter, seems not everybody is so brave as you..’
He (proudly): ‘Yes, I AM brave. Because it is stupid to be afraid of things that cannot hurt us. So the only things I am afraid of are vampires and walking skeletons..’
My husband after having watched Beauty and the Beast for the first time with the children as ‘Xmas movie’ at home, turning to me, with an unsatisfied look:
‘Did you like this movie??? I must say I find it so irrealistic when characters start to sing in a movie..’
Me (in a patient tone): ‘And in the present case which character could not truly convince you that it was really singing – the Prince who by magic had turned into a beast, or the candleholder speaking in a French accent..?’
When I saw it strongly tied up in golden/silver lace first I thought poor thing has been kidnapped & kept hostage in our household. But the rest of the family reassured me they spent quality time on decorating it.
OK, considering it’s 2020 – it’s not that bad after all..
Quick conclusion based on the drawing skills which people say are inheritable within the family: no idea who the real parents of our daughter might be..
‘I am back from having switched the summer tyres to winter ones.
I didn’t exactly remember where the garage was, but I realised that during Covid these things are slightly less complicated. So I set in the GPS the address where I went by car last time: in May, switching the winter tyres to summer ones..’
When I am starting to energetically fill in the enrolment form for my own table tennis club membership – just to learn I am too old even for ‘senior’..
Soon I will become more and more interesting for collectors and archeologists.
Me to my daughter: ‘Noëmi, is your maths homework ready?’
Noëmi (14): ‘Not yet.’
Me: ‘Do it pls.’
Noëmi: ‘A little more tolerance, mama. Parents need to accept their children the way they are. Psychology, you know.’
Me: ‘This theory was apparently invented by someone the child of whom had already done his homework. Do your maths homework and I will immediately accept you the way you are. Success!’
My daughter (14): ‘My favourite movie genre is horror!’
Me: ‘But why? Who on earth likes to be terrified?’
She: ‘Me, for example.’
Me: ‘Well, how come then that yesterday when we found that ugly big spider in the living room, you claimed we should move to another house immediately? You did not seem to be enjoying horror.’
She: ‘It’s simple. The genre of the Ugly Big Spider is not horror. It’s Nat Geo.’
This is going to be a highly upset post about the card game ‘Dirty Pig’, which my son, Walter (10 ys), saw in his best friend’s home, and so we also needed to buy for home.
In a nutshell, you win the game if you can the sooner achieve the following:- make all 4 of your pigs dirty- build them a house each- supply the houses with doors that can be closed – in order to prevent the neighbour farmer (game opponent, for the ease let’s call her ‘mama’) enter the house with a big hose making your pigs clean.
And here is The Thing.
I am sitting with my sparkling clean piglets team nicely satisfied, all have houses with all fullextra appliances, still my son wins unexpectedly, what could go wrong??
Yepp.
‘Sparking clean’.I have cleaned my son’s piglets as much as I could, but in the meanwhile forgot to make my own friends muddy.
And that’s totally unfair! The fact that I, as parent, being duly conditioned for many years of parenthood for making things ‘corrected’, ‘back in order’, ‘CLEAN’ suddenly need to make things DIRTY, which is UNclean, UNorderly, UNgood. … And that just proves to be fully incomprehensible for my mother mind.
Of course it’s easy for my son to win games aiming at making things dirty – this is his main profile, for God’s sake! Years of experience, in possession of all the existing know-how!
I am planning to make a petition towards the EU as never ever have I encountered such severe discrimination in the game industry. Equal rights for parents!
My daughter (14) (in philosophical tone): ‘People change so much over time.. I remember 1-2 years ago, when I was still a child, I used to talk back to you..’
Me: ‘Only for my good understanding: so if talking back was what you did in the past, what do you call the thing you do nowadays since you are a teenager..?’
She: ‘I do not talk back any more. From time to time I might express a different view, though..’
So I’ve recently started growing plants, you might remember.
I don’t exactly have a long record of plants growing – it’s a recurring family story that I used to have a cactus as a teenager – till it dried out in my room…. you know that stuff.
But then I had this inspiring thought 2 weeks ago: I hear Nature calling me – and so I will be a farmer!!
One of my first clients you see on the photos: before/after.
‘Senecio cephaloporus’ was written on the pot, which – according to my husband – must be the Latin name for ‘unconditional surrender’.
At this time I cannot for sure tell if I like you or Lili more, since I have already had the opportunity to talk to you a lot more than to Lili – her personality I don’t yet know so much. But I will watch her and return with the final results in a few days.’
My daughter (14) preparing for school start tomorrow, in an upset tone:
‘Mama, just imagine: on Day 1 we must return all the tests we did the previous year.
What is beyond me, once they knew they would need those tests, why did they give them back to us? If the school believes I need a whole summer to lose these things they are seriously underestimating me, because I can get it done within as short as 2 days..’
Me: ‘Let’s go into the city centre to buy some present to 2 of Walter’s classmates, 2 girls, for their birthday party tomorrow.’
My husband (with a worried look): ‘Ohno, no way, not to the centre! Lots of people, difficult to move, I hate it! Let’s buy something outside the city centre e.g. on our way now, there is a shop over there!!’
Me: ‘Darling, that’s a fuel station.’
He: ‘I know! How great! We can buy them fuel vouchers!’
Me: ‘They are 10 years old.’
He: ‘Yes, but you cannot imagine how fast they are growing!! They have birthdays even now, they will soon drive a car!’
Me: ‘Ok, but shouldn’t you put those things down first from your hands?’
She: ‘No, because I measure myself every day and I know myself that I always carry the laptop/ gsm/ charger wherever I go, so I must have had them in my hand yesterday, too, when I checked my weight. And so if I measured myself without these things now, I would get inaccurate results..’
Ok.
If it is scientifically underpinned then it’s all fine.
My TikTok account has just been deactivated- they claim I am too young to be a user.
What in fact happened was that when giving my birth date I must have clicked on the wrong year, according to which I was born last year.
I have contacted TikTok informing them I am presumably older than their Client Service colleagues altogether.
In the meanwhile my husband has quickly offered to happily witness to any company or individual that I am indeed awfully old, from which he voluntarily deleted the ‘happily’ part by the end of our conversation.
Me (in panic to my 10-yr old son): ‘OMG, I completely forgot to subscribe you to the tennis camp starting next week!!! How could I not remember when you wanted to go so much??’
He (10): ‘It is very simple – it just shows how much you love me, your little son: deep inside you wanted to have me around, to spend more time with me. Other mamas who want to get rid of their sons probably subscribed their children already in January. But you did not. I am so happy you are my mom.’
PirosAntwerp 