My son (10) received homework for the holidays from school: he needs to investigate what his parents do for a living.
..is better with
…I’ve decided to firmly refrain from any challenges.
Oh wait – where is this piece fitting??
Our xmas tree.
When I saw it strongly tied up in golden/silver lace first I thought poor thing has been kidnapped & kept hostage in our household. But the rest of the family reassured me they spent quality time on decorating it.
OK, considering it’s 2020 – it’s not that bad after all..
Paper and digital drawings of my daughter (14).
Quick conclusion based on the drawing skills which people say are inheritable within the family: no idea who the real parents of our daughter might be..
‘I am back from having switched the summer tyres to winter ones.
I didn’t exactly remember where the garage was, but I realised that during Covid these things are slightly less complicated. So I set in the GPS the address where I went by car last time: in May, switching the winter tyres to summer ones..’
What’s your menu plans for the holidays?
For clarity: I am not looking for recipes but invitations.
My daughter (14 ys) preparing for her exam tomorrow:
‘Mama, I still need to study hard for tomorrow. Could you come here to the sofa and be with me? It’s so motivating.’
Me (deeply touched): ‘Really? Sure I come! Shall I also study with you?’
She: ‘No, it’s enough if you are just close. Whenever I look at you I get scared that I am still not ready..’
How do you know it’s really 2020:
When on a cold winter day during Covid lockdown the postman delivers you your traffic fine that you collected on the family trip in Italy last summer.
My daughter (14) is undergoing a dental surgery.
Her little brother, Walter (10) is asking questions: ‘And what will happen to you?’
She: ‘I am going in – then tomorrow coming out, but with a swollen face.’
He: ‘What does “swollen” mean’? I don’t know this word..’
She: ‘I will look like a Snapchat filter’.
He: ‘Aaaaa, now I understand.’
Today is Friday 13.
Good old Fridays 13 when you wouldn’t want to fly on this day.
When I am starting to energetically fill in the enrolment form for my own table tennis club membership – just to learn I am too old even for ‘senior’..
Soon I will become more and more interesting for collectors and archeologists.
Me to my daughter: ‘Noëmi, is your maths homework ready?’
Noëmi (14): ‘Not yet.’
Me: ‘Do it pls.’
Noëmi: ‘A little more tolerance, mama. Parents need to accept their children the way they are. Psychology, you know.’
Me: ‘This theory was apparently invented by someone the child of whom had already done his homework. Do your maths homework and I will immediately accept you the way you are. Success!’
Our son (10) has homework from school: he has to list his own major characteristic features.
He is asking us, his parents, for inspiration.
After this, we need to comfort him for 2 hours as we had said he is overly sensitive, although it’s totally not true, he isn’t!!!
My daughter (14): ‘My favourite movie genre is horror!’
Me: ‘But why? Who on earth likes to be terrified?’
She: ‘Me, for example.’
Me: ‘Well, how come then that yesterday when we found that ugly big spider in the living room, you claimed we should move to another house immediately? You did not seem to be enjoying horror.’
She: ‘It’s simple. The genre of the Ugly Big Spider is not horror. It’s Nat Geo.’
This is going to be a highly upset post about the card game ‘Dirty Pig’, which my son, Walter (10 ys), saw in his best friend’s home, and so we also needed to buy for home.
In a nutshell, you win the game if you can the sooner achieve the following:- make all 4 of your pigs dirty- build them a house each- supply the houses with doors that can be closed – in order to prevent the neighbour farmer (game opponent, for the ease let’s call her ‘mama’) enter the house with a big hose making your pigs clean.
And here is The Thing.
I am sitting with my sparkling clean piglets team nicely satisfied, all have houses with all fullextra appliances, still my son wins unexpectedly, what could go wrong??
‘Sparking clean’.I have cleaned my son’s piglets as much as I could, but in the meanwhile forgot to make my own friends muddy.
And that’s totally unfair!
The fact that I, as parent, being duly conditioned for many years of parenthood for making things ‘corrected’, ‘back in order’, ‘CLEAN’ suddenly need to make things DIRTY, which is UNclean, UNorderly, UNgood. … And that just proves to be fully incomprehensible for my mother mind.
Of course it’s easy for my son to win games aiming at making things dirty – this is his main profile, for God’s sake! Years of experience, in possession of all the existing know-how!
I am planning to make a petition towards the EU as never ever have I encountered such severe discrimination in the game industry.
Equal rights for parents!
My daughter (14) (in philosophical tone):
‘People change so much over time.. I remember 1-2 years ago, when I was still a child, I used to talk back to you..’
Me: ‘Only for my good understanding: so if talking back was what you did in the past, what do you call the thing you do nowadays since you are a teenager..?’
She: ‘I do not talk back any more.
From time to time I might express a different view, though..’
Me to my son: ‘Walter, would you like some more tea?
……Walter, it’s such a pity you don’t pay attention to what I am saying, you are just always playing with that monster game..”
Walter (10) (playing with the monster game):
‘No, it’s not at all true, it wasn’t me who went into the living room with dirty shoes!!!!’
My husband (upset to our son for something):
‘Walter, I cannot believe it, I have told you 1000 times not to do that!! You’re just like mom!!’
Me: ‘??Pardon, what have I done this time?’
My husband (excusing himself in a peacemaker tone):
‘Oh, sorry, you haven’t done anything wrong, of course.
I just wanted to tell him something insulting.’
We teach our children not to run immediately opening the door whenever somebody rings the bell, but always ask first who is standing at the door.
At one occasion:
Our son (10): ‘Who is it?’
My husband: ‘Papa.’
Son: ‘Papa who?’
Rules are rules.
This morning, getting the bikes ready for leaving to school:
Me: ‘Yikes, Walter, how can your bike be so filthy? All the dirt got on my hands..’
My son (10): ‘So basically you say it is clean now..’
Our son (10): ‘Mama, you know I like you.
I like Lili, too.
At this time I cannot for sure tell if I like you or Lili more, since I have already had the opportunity to talk to you a lot more than to Lili – her personality I don’t yet know so much. But I will watch her and return with the final results in a few days.’
Lili is our water turtle.
My daughter (14) preparing for school start tomorrow, in an upset tone:
I May Destroy You
by Michaela Coel
Breakfast with the family.
Suddenly grandma starts to heavily cough.
When it’s more or less over, she whispers with tears in her eyes:
“I just wanted to quickly tell something to the children..”
My husband (in a helpful tone):
‘Most probably that “Children, don’t talk while you are eating or else you will heavily cough”..’
Me: ‘Let’s go into the city centre to buy some present to 2 of Walter’s classmates, 2 girls, for their birthday party tomorrow.’
My husband (with a worried look): ‘Ohno, no way, not to the centre! Lots of people, difficult to move, I hate it! Let’s buy something outside the city centre e.g. on our way now, there is a shop over there!!’
Me: ‘Darling, that’s a fuel station.’
He: ‘I know! How great! We can buy them fuel vouchers!’
Me: ‘They are 10 years old.’
He: ‘Yes, but you cannot imagine how fast they are growing!! They have birthdays even now, they will soon drive a car!’
In a restaurant. We have just finished. I step to the cash desk.
WAITER: ‘Would you like to pay?’
Me: ‘Not really, but currently I am not exactly dressed to run away..’
He: ‘Indeed, it could be difficult on high heels. Well – next time maybe..’
Me: ‘Thank you for your sympathy. Bye.’
Me, to my 10-yr old son this morning, passionately:
‘Walter, I love you as much as people love salt!!’
Walter: ‘Salt? Well, I don’t know. As for me, rather basil.. maybe rosemary..’
Me: ‘Walter, this is an expression from a tale. It’s not my ambition to launch a cooking program.’
Walter: ‘Oh I see.. pardon.’
Me (towards my 10-yr-old son after having arrived from whole day camp):
‘OMG, Walter, what kind of food is there on your t-shirt??’
‘Mama, don’t get disappointed, it’s not that bad.. if it wasn’t for that 10 points between us I would be leading only by 3..’
My son (10) doing his best to cheer me up during our table tennis match leading 17-4.
Me (to my daughter): ‘Noëmi, what are you doing?’
My TikTok account has just been deactivated- they claim I am too young to be a user.
What in fact happened was that when giving my birth date I must have clicked on the wrong year, according to which I was born last year.
I have contacted TikTok informing them I am presumably older than their Client Service colleagues altogether.
In the meanwhile my husband has quickly offered to happily witness to any company or individual that I am indeed awfully old, from which he voluntarily deleted the ‘happily’ part by the end of our conversation.