Thanks, now I feel better

Meeting a friend’s friend for the 1st time:


Me: ‘And so you are originally from the UK, right..?’


She: ‘That’s right.’


Me: ‘You also live here in Belgium, or ..?’


She: ‘No, just came over for the weekend.’


Me: ‘Oh, I see, obviously to test the marvelous client experience Brexit offers for travellers.. :)’


She (upset eye roll, reddish face): ‘Oh, please don’t even mention!!! Those people who voted for it…!!!’


Me: ‘Chill out – I exactly know what it feels like to be a political joke.. I am from Hungary..’


She (totally cheered up): ‘ORBÀN – hahahaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!’

Then it’s OK


Me (to my 11-yr old son): ‘Walter, you are always on your phone, please do something meaningful, don’t you need e.g. to learn something for school?’

Walter (11): ‘But I AM learning even now! I am playing with Minecraft – do you know how much relevant vocab I pick up day by day??’

Me: ‘Like what?’

Walter: ‘1.) ‘Anarchy’.. 2.) ‘Keep a low profile’.. 3.) ‘Shear’ – this is the machine used to cut off the wool of the sheep..’

Me: ‘Ah, so it trains you for the corporate environment! Then I rest my case.’

communiCATion

‘Dear Colleagues,
Pls note that I am facing technical issues, due to which I might be disconnected from any of our precious meetings.
Currently I am elaborating different solutions* in order to prevent such cases in the future.
Thank you for your understanding.’

*I swear I will buy him a wire for Xmas.

Critical


We have a small kitten for 2 weeks who enthusiastically helps me whenever working from home office.

Yesterday walking through the keyboard he wrote in my report ‘uuuuuuuuWTF’.

While admitting that partly he was indeed right, still I considered this standpoint excessively critical, for which reason Tobi’s professional assessment was not retained in the final version.

De gustibus non est disputandum..

Our son (11) this morning, utmost excited:
‘Imagine, today starts the test week in school!!! For a whole week we will write 2 tests every day!! Finally!!! And we start with 2 maths tests today!! It’s a beautiful day!!!’
Our daughter (15), looking at her brother like NASA scientists study a UFO:
‘OK, you’ve got me here: about this nothing funny comes into my mind..’

SHATTERED dreams

I am playing chess with our son, Walter (11) who’s been member of the local chess club for a couple of years now.
His papa is walking by. He stops, looking interested.
Husband: ‘What is happening here precisely?’
Walter: ‘Playing chess with mama. She is a superb player, we’ve been fighting for half an hour at least!’
Husband: ‘Walter, your mama cannot play chess.’
Walter: ‘Of curse she can! What smart steps! And her strategy is amazing!’
Husband (in resignation): ‘It’s not only the name of the pieces she is not aware of but also how much one can move in which direction.’
Me (crushed, with eyes downcast): ‘Walter, what papa says is perfectly true.’
Walter: ‘But how come then that you play so terrifically good??’
Me: ‘I’ve just copied your movements. Each and every one of them.’
Walter: ‘So the past 30 minutes I’ve been amazed by my own chess knowledge?’
Me: ‘Sort of.’ 

The hard life of an average Belgian child

Me (to my son): ‘And how was your school bike exam?’

He (11 years): ‘It was terribly difficult.’

Me: ‘How come? You bike pretty well I thought.’

He: ‘That’s what I thought, too. But then it turned out that during the exam we weren’t allowed neither to stand on the bike nor to steer it with 1 hand or no hands – and so I was so bored I was watching the landscape left and right and almost hit another bike in front of me. Haven’t the organisers ever heard about ‘road safety’ for God’s sake??’

Good news

My children in a dialogue:

She (15): ‘Walter!!! You’ve eaten up my chocolate!!! I can’t believe it, you don’t even like white chocolate!!!’
He (11): ‘True. It did take some time to convince myself to eat it up, believe me. But when I started I realised it has also brown parts!! Anyway, you should be happy to learn that your brother is not racist..’

The Terrible Pain & Torture of Multilingual Families

Our daughter (15) is about to decide on the studies she wants to follow next year out of the 5 directions offered by the school.
She: ‘What I am sure about is that I don’t want to study ‘languages’. Languages are simply not for me..’
Me: ‘I am interested to learn this given that you currently speak 3 languages and learn a 4th one at school..’
She: ‘Ah, you mean THOSE languages? They are just in me but I didn’t need to LEARN them for God’s sake..’

I think I get it

Our son (11) brings home his school report.
He: ‘To sum it up, I have received top scores from basically all subjects, except for free discussion,from which I got a 3 on a scale of 5.’
Me: ‘How come?’
He: ‘Some of my classmates receive better scores, but they talk about all kinds of pointless blabla, while I only speak when I have something to say.’
Me: ‘But when is this class? Morning or during the day? And what are the topics? And you have to prepare? And..’
He: ‘I have said everything about this subject.’
Me: ‘Ok, I think I get it.’

Mankind

This morning:

Our daughter (15): ‘Papa, do we have anything delicious for breakfast?’

Papa: ‘Don’t know. Let’s go down the kitchen to prepare something, call your brother, too.’

She (to her bro): ‘Walter, watch out, escape, run for your life, I got caught, but you might still have a better life waiting for you somewhere else….!’

She’s turned 15 today.

Only 15 and she is already constantly busy with the welfare of mankind!

My girl.

Rigour

Me: ‘What are you up to?’
My husband: ‘Oh just prepared some breakfast for the children: home made waffle, whipped cream, and some fresh fruit on the side.’
Me: ‘I see…. And where are you carrying those plates now?’
My husband: ‘Upstairs in their room, of course. Brunch in bed. I cannot expect them after all to descend to the dining room even on their school holiday week!!’
Very true.
Even the rigour of a father has its limits.

Best mom ever

My daughter (14 – storming in the room where I am reading): ‘Now I am coming and disturb you!!’
Me: ‘And how are you planning to do that?’
She: ‘So that I’m here and not letting you read!!’
Me: ‘You are my daughter, I am happy any time to see you and talk to you.’
She: ‘Mamaaaaa – can’t you just normally play this game??’
Me: ‘Ah, I am awfully sorry… ok, have you visited your bother yet?’
She: ‘You are a genius! The best mama on Earth!!’

How lucky

Our son (11), for his school homework, is asking his papa about which language we actually speak at home.
My husband: ‘Well, you see.. I think what we speak at home is poor Hungarian, incorrect Dutch and low level English..’
Our son: ‘I am starting to be happy I learn French at school..’

How things go

Our daughter (14): ‘Papa!!! A spider!!!! Get it out of here!!!!’
My husband: ‘Relax, Sweetie, 1 little spider sitting peacefully in the corner..’
Our daughter: ‘Yes, 1…. FOR THE MOMENT! Then it gets married, will have babies and live here happily, all of them, more and more!! Papa, I am a teenager, I exactly know how these things go, all right?’

Easy

In a bike shop in Belgium.
My husband to the shop assistant: ‘I would like a bike for myself – what do you recommend?’
Shop assistant: ‘Now, that I look at you, the model called ‘Heavy Duty’ for sure.’
My husband: ‘Heavy Duty – very authentic. Describes my whole existence. ..Let’s find a bike to my wife, too. Do you have also models like ‘Easy Life’?’

Not the same

My daughter (14): ‘My favourite movie genre is horror!’
Me: ‘But why? Who on earth likes to be terrified?’
She: ‘Me, for example.’
Me: ‘Well, how come then that yesterday when we found that ugly big spider in the living room, you claimed we should move to another house immediately? You did not seem to be enjoying horror.’
She: ‘It’s simple. The genre of the Ugly Big Spider is not horror. It’s Nat Geo.’

Knowledge sharing

Me to our 10-yr-old son: ‘Walter, could you please put your plate in the dishwasher after dinner? Don’t just place it on the counter, if I may ask.’
He: ‘How could you see it??? You are not even looking this direction!!’
Me: ‘You know, mothers have eyes on the sides as well..’
My husband: ‘Just like hammerhead sharks.’
Me (with moderate warmth in my voice): ‘Would you like to add something?’
My husband: ‘I just thought.. in order to make the link with natural sciences… or maybe not..’

Viva la revolution

My husband to our 10-yr-old son:

‘Walter, would you like to come and see how I make pancake? In case in the future you would also end up with a lazy daughter & wife in your family who you would need to cook for.. But don’t forget son, in this family we are still working hard on getting equal rights for boys..’

Walter: ‘Uh you are making pancakes?? Can I also get some? Don’t have time now, still playing on my mobile…’

My husband: ‘…Where was I? Ah yes, at the equal-right-for-papas movement..’